For the past year and a half I have remained pretty silent about my life struggles, not out of embarrassment but mostly out of shame. I am a recovering alcoholic and have been suffering with mental illness for years and on a daily basis I struggle with both of these issues. I know some people will judge and others will have sympathy but neither matter because its my own self that is my harshest critic and my best cheerleader. I have been taking steps to try to better myself as a whole and its no easy feat. I have not had alcohol in quite a while and do not even have the craving for it because even though it dampers some of the symptoms of my mental conditions, its damaging and brings on more issues than it buries. I think the reason I have chosen to come clean about this is because I want to hold myself accountable and acknowledge I have a problem (if not several) and honesty is usually what I strive for even if it opens myself up to ridicule and judgement. In the last six months I have become my own advocate because I needed and sought help for the things I am going through. Not everyone will understand or get where I am coming from and that is fine because how can a person understand what they have not experienced or at least dealt with closely. Some days I wake up and feel like the world is just a little bit brighter and other days I wake up and wish i were an ostrich but all I really want is to be “normal” or at least on a level that is considered the norm. I will not go into detail about my mental state because that is how I want it to be, I am not here to bare my soul, I just want to thank those who have helped me even though they don’t know it for just being there for me and understanding me. I am a very difficult person to deal with or understand at times and I realize this, but I do hope this blog sheds some light on the reasons. Just know that I am okay and I am recovering and even though I know I will never be cured of some things, I will be able to cope with them in a better way as time passes. To my family, I love you all so very much, my husband, my children, my brother, my mom, you are all my world and I am humbled by your caring and understanding, without you guys I would be lost.